Life, God, Spirit, Father/Mother keep calling and continue to make my way clear. This project that is beating my heart, Light In A Spoon is in a cocoon of preparation. It requires ME to be in the chrysalis as well. It seems as though I am being rewired from the inside out (with my permission of course).
The anxiety, the seething under-current of anger and rage that have run deep drop away. As they do a man of love emerges. As one of my iconic hero’s declares, “This aggression will not stand man.” The man I was intended to be is walking upright and awake in life. Not perfectly but with integrity. I realize I have become acquainted and know a bit about the Fenix. Up from the ashes…
The life I had constructed out of the materials of seething anger, rage, anxiety, dishonesty, that led me head-long into decades of active addiction, had to become scorched earth. The I, I had become had to be dismantled and burnt to the ground.
There’s magic in that process though. It is LOVE that pours the gasoline and grace lights the match. Truth then called me out of the ashes. Faith saw with new eyes and infused me with power to create the new-man (maybe in your case the new-woman). It actually been a co-creation with ‘something’ bigger than me, that is me. I have charted a new course, set the sails and turned into the wind of a future that inspires me with joyful purpose.
The question has always been, “Will I/you surrender and allow the fire to fully consume that which has no value.” Will we let go ‘absolutely’ and allow the flames to engulf our anger, depression, distraction, confusion, addictions, and even our abandonment and abuse…Will we let the flames do their intended work?”
There is a person who has been in my life since I was a very young man who personifies the courage required to endure betrayal and even abandonment in her marriage to surrender to the fire and become a woman of deep love, unwavering faith (ok, it might get a little shaky once in awhile), no-looking-back forgiveness and kindness. This woman is Cindy, the mother of our children.
Cindy embodies the spirit, power, and beauty of the Fenix. She RISES. She has become a mother to many, a true friend. She is goddess-in-flesh dwelling among us. She is perfect in her very human imperfections.
Cindy you rise. You have risen indeed – more than once in this lifetime.
I am often the recipient of your kindness and love. Every time I come home to the NW, and stay in the home you share with our son Chris our daughter Candace & her very ACTIVE family, I am blessed. Every time we’ve sat for a morning moment with coffee to talk ABOUT OUR CHILDREN I am encouraged. Every time we share the stories that have become our respective paths, I am truly inspired by yours.
“Her children shall rise up and call her AWESOME” has become a living promise fulfilled…even when they are flipping you shit and poking fun. The husband of your youth pays honor. We SEE you.
Well done Cindy! Well done!
I am speaking to my reader now. I honor Cindy because she has risen from the ashes of burnt-earth more than once. Her early childhood included violence abandonment and fear. Her marriage of turbulent emotional violence ended in betrayal and abandonment. And yet SHE RISES to become a woman of wisdom and compassion.
She is a finger-pointing-at-the-moon. That is to say she has wisdom and knows where to go when life falls apart. She can show the way to many who may be feeling “How the fuck am I going to survive this?” She has done it…continues doing it. She may even be willing to be a voice ‘calling in your wilderness’…if you care to ask her.
Cindy, YOU RISE! Along with you so do our children, grandchildren…AND SO DO I.
Greg, Light In A Spoon